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Published December 21st, 2007 | by Coco Forsythe

Alvin & The Chipmunks Review

Classification: U Director: Tim Hill Rating: 1/5

I knew nothing about Alvin & The Chipmunks, so was quite startled as the curtain rose and Pinky & Perky started singing… Not quite what I was expecting, but in fact, Alvin & co were created in the late fifties, and are thus contemporaries with the pink porkers. There must have been a strange public appetite for shrill animated singing cartoon animals – remember, there was no such thing as the internet in those days, so people had to make their own fun…

Alvin (Long), Simon (Gray Gubler) and Theodore (McCartney)’s tree is cut down and bought to Los Angeles where it adorns the foyer of the record label that Dave (Lee) is desperately trying to sell his songs to. When Dave is rudely dismissed by old university buddy Ian (Cross), he steals a basket of muffins, and the chipmunks stow away. They make themselves at home at Dave’s and after some initial reluctance to believe that they can talk and sing he records a Christmas song for them that goes straight in at number one. Suddenly the ‘munks (for thus are they known) are megastars; everyone wants a piece of them. Dave is cautious – he saves their money, and is reluctant to have them tour; Ian tells them that they are rock stars, and should have and do whatever they want. Who is right? Will the chipmunks find a true home? Will Dave get over his commitment issues and get together with that awful girl from Adrift (Richardson)?

Who cares? is the honest answer. Alvin & The Chipmunks is weird, creepy, dull and lazy – careless of continuity, and with the kind of hackneyed storyline and message that deserves an eyeroll. Even Jason Lee, who I normally love – is awful in it. And yet somehow it’s raking in the money at the Box Office. Do we want more of this crap that masquerades as entertainment? I guess we do. Me, I’m going to read a book.

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